your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
