i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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