you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
