Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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