so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
