This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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