from now on my penis is your penis
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
