Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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