I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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