Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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