so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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