4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
