I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
