Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
