Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dicks are not precious.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
