carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
