Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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