I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
