So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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