I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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