Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My penis needs a shock collar
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
