Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
