If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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