watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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