Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
