Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
