have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
