Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
