Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
