I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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