a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
These tits shall not be calmed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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