the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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