your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
