I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
