his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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