Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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