If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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