I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
