Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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