I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
