would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
