super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
