If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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