dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
