nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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