whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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