Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
