the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
