i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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