dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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