I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
