Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
