i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
