We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
