I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
