did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
