For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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