Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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