My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
