She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
