I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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