I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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