I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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