things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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