Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
