I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize