i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
