my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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