Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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