ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
